Ahha.. Let's c what I have to do~
-For project: for now- Poster, Report draft, Discuss w sponsor abt improvement/modification, Sensory analysis; then after- ppt, assessment, n final report (16Oct!)
-Others: Quality 2nd assignment, PD all the crap n shit...PD report due 16Oct too! n I'm leaving NZ on 17Oct! So reckon I will die like siao..gotta rush these 2 big reports, pack all my stuff n maybe move hse..WAA!!!
-Events/activities: Wendy's surprise leaving party on tue, Alex's leaving party on sat, Min's 21st next sat, my guzheng class, n my dance class in gym as well as pole dancing :)
-Visa thingy still havent got it. dunu what's with NZ immigration, email so many times liao still no reply me. Hopefully nth bad happen. cant get kick out of NZ at this time. duh! Oh~got my new passport already. whole new set of numbers to rmb. grr..
- n I seriously need to find a job, which I m so not into it yet.. :(

A bit of worrying:
- I'm very fat now! seriously FAT! let's c how I have changed before coming NZ n now (2yrs)~
weight: 46kg to 55kg (abt 10kg more)
height: 1.5m to 1.49m (1cm less)
waist: 25in to 28.5in (3.5in more)
clothes size: size 8 to even size 12 (2 size bigger)
alot of clothes cant wear liao..even can also tight liao.. :(
- Next, my pimples/acne.. esp for my back.. recently pop alot of big 1 out again.. cos I stop using the ampoule cos left only 1 bottle.. Grr.. UGLY! Horrifying! I hate it! My back used to be so nice n smooth lor.. oso dunu what happened..AHHHHHHHH... Hate it! Disgusted!
- Then, another worry is when I get back to Spore, I might not be able to stand the heat.. Will DIE!!! now here I wearing shorts n t-shirt liao.. go back I really will EXPAND n SWOLLEN again!
- With all these, how to face everyone back in SG wor..
- Also, I rmb I think I am pretty much very broke in my SG bank account.. how to survive oh.. no money :( But anyway, one of the happiest thing n I looking very forward to is seeing baby Chloe!!! =) hehe..

Ah~ Let's c who I will be seeing when I'm back Spore.. hehe..
- Definitely my family, grandparents, n Mak's family. Hopefully get to c bro.
- SP peeps: tyl n gang, des probably, mr M??
- FES work mates: all the laoda n jiejie.. n maybe FE CEO mr tan..
- my bestie frenz: Eunice, Tony? dunu if he in SG that time anot, Di
- some MJR mates, my first bf after like 8yrs no c..
- Pri sch mates just this yr get back into contact de..haha..dunu how it will be like..
- Then probably just Andrew, the very very charming bachelor - got $, got looks, got brains, matured, gd character, successful guy. haha.. like prince charming lo..

Hmm.. guess I'm just bo liao.. escapist from doing work again.. that's y write so much bo liao things.. haha.. ok that's it for now :P btw, have been awake for 31 hours liao..hehe.. :p n going out later n tonight.. reckon gona be bed at 1am, so which means 41 hours being awake..haha.. no beat my record yet.. k fren rushing me le..tata~

I had a dream last night. Feel insecure. It's mr M. I went back Spore, we arranged to meet up. But again, like the previous few times that I went back, he ended up not making it to our meeting. Instead, had dinner outside with my family. Maybe it's a bad omen, telling me or forcasting/predicting what's gona happen. Hope this bad dream don't come true. Hmm.. We haven't been talking for this whole month le. I'm really leaving him to it.

The other day, called my first bf. lol. random. after like 9 yrs.. He's working as a Japanese chef now in a super expensive restaurant; about $200 per person. What a bomb! I still say go n eat, didnt know so ex. forget it liao. lol. shocking!

Anyway, uni has been fine. busy busy busy that's all. I'll be fine. :) Less than 2 months to go, getting there. :) About to get my new passport too. hehe. but I still missed my old passport though. It's sent to kill liao. Oh well, been quite alright n contented actually. don't dare to ask for more.

Interpretation:
I fly alone

Yes, I'm going back to SG in Oct for 2 to 3 wks. To make it more worth it, this is gona be my break before I set off to UK, so not solely for mr M only. In Apr, I'll probably go to UK from NZ, but maybe transit in SG for a week if possible. So is NZ-SG-UK. At least transit in SG, cos dun1 to travel like 24hrs on a plane from NZ to UK. lol. Well, May to Sep (5mths) seems quite a long time to be in SG doing nth much. So dun think I'll wait for Shirley to go together in Sep. Oh well, nth is fixed yet cos nv know what's gona happen in the future. For now, only know I want to be back SG in Oct. Will check n make sure I can be away at that period first. n hopefully make my flight booking by this coming week. It's about S$1040 now. :)

ok now i'm gona take a bet. go ahead with going back sg. at least there's an outcome, be it win or lose, i'll be 心服口服. he's feeling miserable bcos of certain things, so do i feel likewise. but if he's still isolating himself, i'll leave it to him. 就这样. nth much to talk about. nite.

With regards to the previous post about whether to go back to SG in Oct anot, still unsure yet. Now have, Des, Tyl n gang on for me going back; Shir not on for me going back; and mum put the question back to me. I know mum has always been supportive of anything I do, any choice I made, maybe bcos she knows I am very stubborn n defient, and she can trust my choice. I miss mummy alot. As for Shir, she thinks it's not worth it to go back just for 2 weeks, n since I'm gona be back in April. But she dun understand the point of me missing mr M, cos she thinks I shouldnt hold onto him. I know it's still quite alot of money, even though it's already offer. But I can easily earn that money back if I work 2-3wks in NZ.

Nevertheless, I still cant decide until mr M give me his opinion, cos main thing is I really miss him alot n will be a torture for me to wait till April. Even now, month by month, week by week, day by day, all seems so much of a pain. Just cant seem to stop thinking about him, even with all the stress n workload I have. Basket! Already so fan liao, he still like that. Dunu if there will be one day I will really cant stand it then throw n totally cast him aside, letting my mind rule over my heart, n shut myself out forever. Bcos if I do that he will be totally out of my life, n I wont be truely happy anymore. We havent been in contact for 2 wks liao, ever since the day he said that sweetest words to me.. Just cant get hold of him - calling his hp, calling his hse, email him; he still MIA. Perhaps as what Des say, 2 wks to him might not seem long as he eat his steak very slowly (find this quite a funny n amusing metaphor). I fucking hate this feeling actually, n fucking hated him now. I so hate myself being like that. Fuck it! I dunu what he wants n what he thinks. I wana be part of him, witnessing each other lives, n that we r both not alone. But I cant seem to get in. Maybe he need someone, but the person isnt me.

Beside this going back SG thing, there's also my project due in mid Oct, just before if I go back SG. Left 2 mths to finishing this off n I still have quite alot to do. In-house sensory testing to 50 angmoh, some testing n analysing of data, further research n working out on improvement for gluten-free bread, poster, n writing the damn report. Reckon about 80 pages of report easily. n I will start writing only in Sept. Damn fuck! I'm gona be a superwoman again. But I think I will be fine - mind over body.

I'm also considering to teach a korean teenager, 16yrs old, how to play ruan. He's gona perform in Oct. Need to get materials to teach him n I'm not sure if xiao ruan is the same as zhong ruan anot, as in the free chord. Should I help anot? Or maybe I should even decline Eva too that I am not gona teach ruan. I am not confident in teaching even though I have 8yrs of playing it, partly cos I wasnt really taught well by anyone from the start so my fondation is kinda weak n might be wrong. Also feel like handicapped without my familar scores n it's not zhong ruan. I only wana play zhong ruan again but not exactly to teach.

Another issue is, I got to move out in Oct too. Tentatively mid Oct, not sure if can delay to end Oct anot. It's cos landlord has some issue with his wife, so me n my flatmates (Pauline, Dave n the unborn baby) have to move out. Damn another hassle. We got 2 mths to find a place to stay. Where the hell am I gona move to? Wendy's place, Agnes's place, or maybe somewhere near my workplace cos I dunu how to drive. I think I should really go find a job liao. n I'm so worried about transport for work too. Plus, I am so scared of driving. I dunu y just xin li zhang ai. I even had a dream about me driving n crash into another car. Ah crap! Why is everything so hard?! Sometime dun wish to grow up, then dun have to worry about driving, dun need to get a job, dun need to find a place to stay, dun need to be tormented by love matters. But I have to face all these. Can I be strong again? ok off to gym..

hmm.. a few more reasons to go back to SG in Oct for about 2 weeks..
1. break/transit period - cos just finish uni, n before going back NZ for attachment
2. cheaper flight offer for about $1100, 2-way
3. for mr M (judgement period)
4. for Chloe's 1 yr b'day (1st Nov)
5. bro shld be back in late Oct, early Nov too
6. Des on for me to go back (hmm..not really a reason lar :p)

Ahhhhhh FOR FUCK SAKE!
Just feel like shouting out only, bcos of the hell lotsa work n stress
:(((( bleh....
Feel like strangling somebody or find someone to quarrel. lol..

我讨厌mr M,更讨厌我自己！basket! just cant concentrate. am actually really stress, tired, annoyed n kinda mad rite now. physical unwell, mentally disorder n emotionally affected. wth!

btw, went french mkt n food show today. spent abt $80 today. honey $13 (nz xmas tree honey), a box of 12 mini dough croissant $10, 2 boxes of cereal $5, food show entrance fee $22, food from french mkt $12, lunch/dinner $8, a novel $5, n dunu what else. actually ate quite a lot of diff stuff at the food show today, about 2 to 3hrs of eating.

last nite went check out flights. Auckland to SIN, return, Msian airline, Oct, only $1148! so tempted to go back. usual abt $1600. dunu to go back for abt 2 to 3wks anot leh. mr M said he wont come NZ liao, cos he cant promise. if he cant come, then that's y i'm considering to go back lor. told him last time was $1700 by SQ for SIN to AKL. but check last nite too, SIN to AKL by Bruneiair is $1180, travel before Mar'10. so not sure if he still keen anot lor. told Shirley abt me going back in Oct, then she say what for, not worth, cos I'll be back in a few more mths time. but that's 6mths time (Nov to Apr). hmm.. what leh~ cant even ask mr M what he thinks, cos he didnt even answer my call. hmph! this thing stuck here, make me so hard to work on my uni work. grrr... feel like knocking myself to the wall.. sometime I think I hate myself for loving him. should tell myself go n die lar, so useless..

1 small happy thing. talked to bro on phone today. he's being nice n caring again. haha. but still say I shouldnt grow fat. duh! I cant help it also mar. then also ask if I got bf. lol funny. I still wana ask if he got gf anot lor. anyway, he's leaving to Perth tmr, but be back late Oct/early Nov. even before I'm gona be back (that's still Apr).

oh well, April do some work! n stop being so into somebody, u useless fool!
or maybe I should listen to Shirley to cast him away. dunu.

Hmm.. so, ended up calling mr M that day, but he never answer. Again~ Whatever~

Was sleeping the whole afternoon today. Guess was too tired. Maybe cos Thu n Fri nite got home at 12ish, n today had to get up early for guzheng class. Anyway, dreamt about mr M calling me n said he would try call me everyday. Was happy in the dream, but I know this is wishful thinking. Maybe that's something I will want, but it's not gona happen in real life. So, was a happy dream, but I got up become sian sian de. Oh well, already separated at different part of the world liao, he still like that. Is it 过份 if want him to be more initiative to call me? But well there's nth I can do too.
Side him aside, I dreamt of my brother too. Guess cos he is going away to Perth in a couple of days time ba. About 1.5 yrs no see him liao. Perhaps kinda miss him ba. (eh.. dun think got sis will miss bro de hor). Anyway, always wish him luck n all the best. Shall he be safe, healthy, happy, successful in his flying n hope he get a da-sao for we sis, or at least get a gf lor.
Haha the dream is actually talking on phone with mr M, while seeing n talking to my bro. so busy. lol.

Recently, had a thought. Uni actually ends in ard 16 Oct. So can safely say after 20 Oct, no more uni liao. On 16 Oct, Pauline n Dave are going to China - Sichuan n Chongqing, for 2 weeks with 6 students of Pauline's. She asked me n I'm thinking if I should go too. But then on the 2nd thought, might as well 2 weeks go back SG. lol. Then head back NZ for practical work in Nov, then till late April then back SG. Oh well, that's just a thought only. Most imptly, still need to fit in with my practical work, which I need to go find job first. Damn, another pain in the ass thing.
Ahh.. fucking hell, uni work now. Been so procrastinating n not being responsible to people concerning my project. The fucking sensory thing n stupid John Grigor! (he's not stupid lar, just so fucking hate him). okok, shall get back to work now n gona work real late, esp cos I've taken such a long sleep just now. Aja aja fighting!