in the end, I still called him n wish him happy bday. but anyway he did tried to call me but my phone was off. so kinda let this thing off awhile. well, dun think he notice that i havent been contacting him for quite awhile. anyway this is not an issue liao. i think he is having his emo period again. ah well, he always wana be alone anyway. actually, i m feeling disappointed of him abt other matter. recently he added a fren "louisha" on fb. i rmb he put this name on his msn before n i asked him who is it. he said it's a name of a country or what. i didnt really care or bother at that time. anyway, so turn out this louisha is actually a girl. might be his ex. i dunu. perhaps someone he cant let go. or perhaps i m just reading too much. frankly speaking, i dunu alot of things abt him. anyway, just xin li you dian men men de. louisha hur, liar! u can jolly well kiss my ass!
am back on the shore (my old place) from sat to tue.
Fri - out to town with food techies for italian dinner.
Sat - back to the shore n had yum cha n mahjong with my ex-flatmates. even the yum cha auntie also say i fa fu le. grrr..
Sun - on the exercise machine for 35mins. lunch n shopping at the mall with some uni mates. bought a black dress (kinda like a party dress) for $60. take it as reward myself with my pay ba. i think next i will need a really high heel black shoes to go with my dress. might wear it for my bday next yr. a party. haha. dunu.
Mon - not sure what's up yet. maybe plan trip for my bro visit ba. still not sure to stay in albany or avondale.
Tue - lunch n movie with mama farr, warwick n zac. saw zac at pak'n save today. haha nice guy. gave him my no. n texting abit at nite. he's wendy's fren.
Wed - shall start my first driving lesson by the instructor. abit nervous n shall c how it goes.
hmm.. not sure abt what to do for xmas eve n xmas. but a few mates have been asking me what's plan for new yr. apparantly, new yr is a very big thing here. will probably be back to the shore i guess n cel with ex-flatties n neighbour. xmas is probably just for families. but i got no family here. so not too sure yet.
oh ya got my hons. i m second class division II honours. was actually quite happy abt it but only told big n small sis. tell mr m? i dunu. let's us each be in our own world i say. this thing will only go on n on like that only till i'm back april then c how again ba.
hmm.. it's his bdae. should i or should i not call him to wish him happy bday?
Oh well, happy birthday mr m.
If You're Not The One lyricsSongwriters: Bedingfield, Daniel;
If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call?
If you you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all?
I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you, then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you, then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me, then why does this distance name my life?
If you're not for me, then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray that you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?
'Cause I miss your body and soul so strong
That it takes my breath away
And I breath you into my heart
And I pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And though my heart is by your side
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4ESs9SeZh4This is another song that depicts how I am feeling and going through.
Is FREE!
I've deleted him off fb and msn. n my sg phone is not always on - prolly be on nz time 9pm till i wake up the next morning - before 8am. let's c if i can do this. might be better anyway. then i wont go find him or c what he is up to. he also wont know how i m going unless he calls at the right time. dunu when he will notice. anyway just wish him well n hope all things go on smoothly w him. gd luck n gdbye for some time mr m. take care. gdnite big garfield!
"what for are you holding the line? you asked me to call you wake up and I did. now I have to do my own things. I am busy." 在这一刻，一首歌appears in my mind - 王力宏的<<你不在>>:
当世界只剩下这床头灯
你那边是早晨已经出门
我侧身感到你在转身
无数陌生人正在等下一个绿灯
一再错身彼此脆弱的时分
不过渴望一个吻的余温
我关了灯黑暗把我并吞
wo
你不在当我最需要爱
你却不在 wo
无尽等待像独白的难捱 wo
你不在高兴还是悲哀
你都不在
我受了伤害再偷偷好起来
你不在时
间再按下许多次快门
沉默里听见转动的秒针
一个人吃饭这个凌晨
孤单一人份你低声说你有别人
我的话筒只有自己的体温
怎样认真也不一定成真
你说得对我不得不承认
wo
你不在当我最需要爱
你却不
在无尽等待像独白的难捱 wo
你不在高兴还是悲哀
你都不在 wo
受了伤害再偷偷好起来
你不在
wo
那些摇摆我都明白都明白
但你不在爱已不在不在
你不在当我最需要爱
你却不在 wo
一个人分饰两角的恋爱 wo
你不在高兴还是悲哀
你都不在 wo
像空气般不存在的存在
再没有痕迹的爱你不在
当我需要你的爱你不在
this song so suit me. sigh~ Fine. wont pester him then. 不找你了，反正你都不在. according to him, is I bully him. but he dunu how much 委屈i had. more like he bully me lor. is there some 说不出的misunderstanding between us? 有些事，你不在就是你不在，cant help it. 你在的话，什么事都没了(no problem liao). 他时好时不好，让我的心情像‘云霄飞车’(rollercoaster ride), 让我爱他又恨他. 白天的时候我们还一起online shopping,打情骂悄；刚刚又却对我这样. 不行，我不能受他的引向，不可以一直想着他，要做个独立的女人. 我讨厌你，可是却好想抱你. Ahhh.. 不喜欢现在这个样子啦！好想回到他的身边.
he, 'called a million times from 6.20 to 9pm' - but my phone damn sth wrong I think, sometime siao 1. grr.. Fav quote: 'it's gona be hard, but still hv to try wat' - this keep me going n wanting to maintain the rls. and dunu y I m the 小气鬼 - 才不是呢！有时候觉得we are meant to be together (esp cos despite the diff life we r leading, we still end up tgt), but 有时候又觉得we are not meant to be tgt. 我不知道.
shld be happy shldnt I? bro coming to visit me, think 26dec to 31 dec. but having headache from planning the trip n where to go. been researching for the whole of today liao. everything so expensive. sigh~ should also be happy that I got my exam results. was actually quite not bad I think. 3 papers this semester: fd proc design (B+), quality sys design (A-), and 4th yr project (B+). an overall average throughout my course: B+ (I think). dunu how to calculate. shall check with lecturer. but then got back results liao, wanted to share with someone but shirley sleeping n mr m went for marathon this morning so now also sleeping n I usually dun share with my parents..
m
anyway, havent been talking to mr m for 3 days liao. I didnt call him cos been too tired from working that I fell asleep. but also when I tried calling him, he dunu y no ans n no call back too. even if we were on the phone, talk awhile n I said I call him other time; if not when he say he call me other time, I will just say 'ok bye' n didnt even try to 挽留 or wat. dunu y like a bit dun feel like talking to him, but on other hand wish he will talk to me. maybe cos he hardly call me n has always been like me initiating, so I abit sian n tired n wana 'cut this crap'. y m I always the one looking for him but not him looking for me? dunu if this is impt or a matter anot. cos I can still hear him concerning n caring. like his tone is there, treating me like his girl. actually it's not a big matter, just abit expressionless n dead only. shld I or shld I not bring this matter up? might be a childish thinking. or shld I just forget it n treat as nth happen, as if I have nv been this little bit of upset? I think I shld just forget it ba, dun be so '小气鬼' as he say; so shall talk to him the usual way ba. 退后一步，海阔天空.
w
oh well, life have been not bad to me these days. new job still alright - all guys n angmoh environment. haha. anyway they treat me well too. I think as long as I did what needed to be done, all will be sweet. currently working on COA, pdt spec - dealing with any allergen declaration, food law/code, nutrition panel, formula, etc. think maybe sometime later I'll be working on some R&D work - honeycomb kibble. also, some lab testings. my first pay gona be next wk I think. haha.. expecting ard $600 for abt 1wk of work. eyes blink blink $_$ hehe..
h
I've also moved to a new place at avondale with a nice angmoh family - dad is kiwi, mum is from peru, n 2 girls - 4yrs old n 18mths - might take some pics of them n post on fb someday. this is the 4th place I'm staying in NZ liao. come to think of it, I've stayed with all diff nationality n age grp of pple - (1) nz, iran, (2) nz, china, spain, (3) british, sg, n (4) nz, peru. has been a great experience in nz here, with frenz of diff nationalities - I think half angmoh, half asian. was thinking if I shld hold a birthday/farewell party in april anot. that will mark a full pic of my nz chapter of my life - jul07 to apr10 (approx 3yrs). might do.
