SMILE ت

Sunday, January 31, 2010

hmmm.. I think I kinda know what's next le..

based on:
“简单就是幸福”, concluded by me after some deep thoughts. => wouldn't want to think too complicated, far-fetched or unrealistic le. n wouldn't want to be too greedy le.

"maybe I can have all the worldly possession, glamours n fame, but what good does it do if I can't even have the most simple thing", stated by a friend - Sean. => In referral to that, I can have an awesome n aspiring career in UK, but I can't even be happy with my love ones.

"Follow your heart!", adviced from ex-co marketing manager, Shirley. => I clearly know where my heart belongs. That is HOME!

Also, from talks and advices from Wenying, Eric, and most imptly from my best fren, Eunice; everything seems clearer. Did talk to sis, Shirley about this, but no use. Did try to ask big sis, Zihui about this, but she lies it back to me. No point telling mr M about this, cos he will leave it up to me; n besides he is quite in bad state. Only person I really want to talk to, is Mummy! but everytime I called, Dad is there. although I think she will also post it back to me. Anyway summary:

#1 choice: work at SP (wait for reply from Dr Saw)
#2 choice: work at NZ for a year or two (which means I'll have to apply for a graduate work permit and find a job here in NZ - anyway if go back SG also have to find job, might as well find in NZ n get the overseas work experience, which I can prolly demand a higher pay when back in SG). After that can go back SG or head to UK.

So who knows, I may head to UK in about 2,3 years later. Just have to disappoint Wendy in UK n Shirley for now ba. Anyway, if it's #1, I'll see mr M in April 2010. If it's #2, I'll see mr M maybe April 2011, or really have to plan a holiday in Feb now. HOW??? Japan - Yes/No??? still cold n ex leh. not the right time. maybe reserve for next time April or for honeymoon? Bali - not worth it to go from NZ cos abt 1k for flight, whereas from SG abt 200 only. Aussie - I've been liao, nth fanscinate me. so what?!

Anyway, my dear mr M is quite in a bad state. Poor thing. But will be all good again. He was on a co. workshop n got home really late at 4am (my 9am). He called me n I was like telling him to go sleep, can't exactly rmb wat he said, but sth like "cannot call u?". so he wana talk to me. he's telling me how he feels n what happened, which I am happy that he told me. Well, we r more like bf/gf liao. sharing good n bad things, alot more communication, understanding n trust than before, n definitely more sweet. This is what couple shld be like ba. He may not know, but I am already happy that bcos tgt with him, I am back to a normal life. Thank you! n I really miss him. How to survive with abt 1.5 yrs no c him if it's choice #2 leh?!

writtern @12:32 AM

Friday, January 22, 2010

他，是披着狼皮的羊；我，是披着羊皮的狼。

他，是个好男人；我，是个坏女人。

我犯了错，他原谅了我。雨过天晴。让我甜在心里。

对不起；谢谢你；我爱你。

writtern @12:26 AM

Thursday, January 14, 2010

:) I am assured! he will stick with me :)

today he called me. talked for quite awhile. but most imptly, he says he will stick with me. dunu out of nowhere he mentioned abt the convo from one of the time I called him. in that convo I was telling him my parents know abt me having a bf. n that I was saying my parents r very hard to deal with, like fighting a war. then I asked him if he will stick with me. that time, he didnt ans but just say he busy. phone ends. I also no ask or say this again. but just now he mentioned n said yes. I kept quiet. then he says 'now I say yes, u keep quiet'. I told him I'm a little touched. this gives me more courage n most imptly, know that he is really serious and loves me. Actually the other day before he went for KL, he said "I miss u" which I didn't expect him to. so, so, I'm a happy woman. xin fu nu ren :) n I'm getting him a Freitag bag from NZ store. so eager to go back SG le~

writtern @12:35 AM

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

someone is fire-fighting for this whole week till quite late. lalala... so muz be very tired n so no phone calls this week lo.. at least he called me when he got back from KL. he was also saying he is gona be very busy for his work n having OT starting March onwards till maybe end of the year ba.. so that's gona be less contact for us lo.. hmm.. even when i go back spore, he is also gona be busy. well well...

currently looking at flights. cos I have to apply for my visitor permit to stay NZ longer for the mth of April, I need to provide when I am gona leave NZ. also applying for visa take so long, so I gotta apply soon. Intending to leave NZ on 14 Apr by SQ. can only book shir n zilei flights on early Feb when she knows when's her flute exam gona be. n also parents flights to consider. hmm... or should I just go ahead n book mine. things abit messy. n with the trip plans too..

on my mind now: visa, flights, trip plans, driving, prac work report, sewing machine, freitag bag.
Visa - cant be done until i got my flight booked;
Flight - have to wait for sis n how's with family;
Driving - dunu to continue pay the driving instructor or get someone to teach me;
Prac work report - due in less than 2wks time;
Sewing machine - borrow from someone or have to buy?;
Freitag bag - order online on zurich website, get zac to help me buy from uk, wait for jolene to go zurich to buy, or just change the model n simply get it from sg or nz? where get the money?

writtern @9:36 PM

Saturday, January 9, 2010

hai~ mummy n dad know I got bf already. kor told mum n dad about it, and say he's from my poly. First thing mum asked was: how is his "jia jing" (family background). Sianz. why isnt it like asking how is this guy, is this guy good anot, ... they not concern about how the relationship is going, how am I feeling, etc; but again voice down to one word "money". Grrrr..... I HATE it! how sad is that.

I understand their intention of not wanting me to suffer, have a hard life, and have to worry about living. But look, we are both abled people n we can work. It's not as if we r yi shi wu cheng, or I am only gona rely on this guy. Bet, the next thing they gona ask is his education level. Again, history repeats like my big sis n bro-in-law, a degree holder vs a diploma holder. Ahhh... Fuck it! I dunu how to argue or fight this back.

Mum keeps saying she worried. but what's there to worry about. It's still early lor. First, we r still both young, n we r just starting out our career, n we have goals we wana achieve before settling down. Then I say maybe till 30 yrs old. She says she is willing to wait. Anyway just a bf only mar. Not as if he is gona be 100% confirm my bf rite. Future things hard to say.

Although I may be away from home and it might be still early, but I can foresee and sense that a war might begin sometime, just dunu when. I’m definitely gona fight for it, just like my big sis n bro-in-law. I’ll have it my way. As long as he is still game for this n holding onto this relationship, we can fight it de. hai~ dun even know if he will be in anot. Cos we not quite stable n relationship not strong yet leh.

Don’t know, Don’t know, Don’t know! Our rls - ? How to fight for own happiness - ? Sigh~

Anyway all been well :) rather sweet actually i would say. at least getting more like a boy-girlfriend. anyway, I really wana get him a Freitag bag, n cos he really really wants it. he is off to KL for the weekends. so just gona be 3 days without hearing him.

Oh well, for now what I have to do is to concentrate on my driving n finish reading the road code, get my prac work report working, apply for my visitor permit, and then getting back to work on 18jan. How to fight, will figure that when it's time to face the music.

writtern @12:48 AM

Monday, January 4, 2010

人穷，志不穷。我的梦想真的会实现吗？

我现在真的很穷了。2010 四月，会是在我返回新加坡，这一生最穷的日子。将会陷入谷底，宣布破产。只能怪我自己 - 仿佛像是一日之间没了十多千。要怎么过？

我很贪心。拥有一个私人的小梦想 & 两个巨大完成，将近不可能实现的梦想。即使给自己十年的时间，也未必会实现。我，准备向这两个梦想迈向吗？需要庞大的资金，巧能的手艺，不同凡响的创意，灵活的生意头脑，当然也需要天时地利 & 幸运女神。我，敢冒这个险吗？

下一步应该怎么走？做工，赚很多钱先。学好手艺。召集人马。看准时期和地点。打响名气。蒸蒸日上。发扬光大。行吗？我，可以的！

writtern @11:40 AM

Saturday, January 2, 2010

This morning, woke up with "ling gan" for YP's wedding dress and for our TYL gang or 38 Club. Not sure if everyone will like it, or what u guys think, but let's have a look:

First, for the sisters' dresses (Liyun, Yanling, Wenying, and Me):

Now, the bride's dress (maybe a night gown ba):

It shows one of Yeepei's long legs (ps: I should have drawn thinner). The shiny cherry goes around and circling that long leg of hers till the face of the feet.

Like the end part too - like shiny cherry all around the bottom of the dress, that touches and drags along the floor.

Preferrably red colour for the dress, so that the shiny cherry will really stands out. Also, since we're getting the black dress, the bride should be special.

For all the dresses, they share the same theme of shiny cherry climbing along the dresses.

Anyway, just random thoughts and drawing only. :)

writtern @10:44 AM

Friday, January 1, 2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!!!

I wonder: will 2010 be a good year ahead? in terms of my career, my love life, my health and happiness. I also wonder: what will my new year resolution be? what do I want to achieve?

2010 is also the year of Tiger! My year! So, it definitely have to be good! It will be a year full of travelling, new challenges, new job, new chapter of life. Travelling in March, April, and July. New chapter of life shall begins in UK, with the new place, work, and people, hopefully in July. Though know it will be real hard to start off in a new country, which I don't really have any idea how to go about. Maybe go there like a holiday then find a work when I'm there. Chance might be slim, but I would wana give it a try.

February 2010 - it's Chinese New Year and V-day. Wana get something he really wants alot. Either a Freitag bag (about $300+) or an Armani Exchange belt (about $100). At least know what he wants. He prolly has a list of things he wants, which makes it easy for me, so that I won't have to think what to get him.

April 2010 - looking most forward to! It's my birthday, my farewell to NZ, my graduation, my South NZ holiday, and my return back to SG. Closing a chapter of my life, and moving on to next. I am so looking forward to seeing him again! Miss Miss him so much!

The only bad thing about April 2010 will be to see doctor for my leg. One thing that I am very worried and scared about. I had a bad dream last night about this - the blood vessel grow much more bigger, affecting my feet too, and worst was also starting to affect my other limb. Doctor was saying I have to have operation to remove part of it first, and hence have to be on clutches or wheel-bound. But this wouldn't solve the problem. Hence, I rather suffer all the on-off pains, than not able to be assessible. I know I may be thinking too much, but such things are possible to happen. I just can't help but thought and prepare myself for the worst situation. This is also 1 reason why I wana go travelling as much as I can now.

I may seem rich, strong, independent, fortunate and successful - having to study and stay in NZ and obtained my degree, spending money and going travelling, have my own goals and doing things my own way. But, when it comes to health issue, mine was a rare case. At times, I am also quite a big failure. I am not afraid of anything (like insects, height, ghost, or whatsoever - very brave indeed), but I am afraid of driving a car (don't know y always will think of knocking over someone else car). Also, I am a failure in not able to swim and cycle. Damn! I am so ashamed of myself. But I still go kayaking and roller-blade and ice-skate lar. The common things that most people are capable of, I am not. I failed as a lousy teacher and musician too. Also, come to relationship, I think I am pretty bad too. So many messy past relationship. Even now, also abit ???

Anyway, sum up for year 2009:
- I am happy that I am in a relationship and loving someone.
- I am relieved and happy that I have finished my uni and obtained a BTech (Second Class Hons. Division II).

As for the resolutions for year 2010:
- stable a career and have my own sky soar above
- be rich (kinda near to bankcrupt now)
- loving relationship
- be alive and healthy
- be happy :)
- obtain my driving license

writtern @10:18 PM